Beyond the Oyster Juice

Increasing my brain power

Greetings!

 

I'm still here. Just a little dizzy from the recirculated air in those metal canisters that hurl me through the air at 500 mph. I need to fix that Slow Rover and stick to the ground.

 

In this note, your questions answered:

 

* Where have you been, Mad Gringo?

* Why is your brain so big?

* Do you have any new stuff?

* Can we get something for free?

* The end.

 

Now that we're on the same page, let's get started.

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WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, MAD GRINGO?

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Funny you should ask. I have been hanging out in trade show booths. I bought a cool little bamboo tiki bar from a nice lady on Craigslist and I've been touring around the country with it.

 

First stop, Orlando:

That was good. That was fun. Everything was new. Tiki bar in good shape. Bar stools able to hold a grown man's body weight.

 

Then I went to Phoenix. It was good. It was fun. It rained. We were in a stadium. No tiki bar here. Just lots of kokopelli. 

 

Then I went to Chicago. It was cold. It was fun. My booth was on a corner. The re-asembly process of the tiki bar led to some pieces of bamboo wandering off. Bar stools weakened but still able to hold a grown woman's weight. 

 

Then I went to Vegas. It was warm. It was fun. I had a drink spilled on me by Flavor Flav. Here's the view from inside the tiki bar.

 

Note that you can't see the bar stools. They are still with me, but can barely hold the weight of a gradeschooler. The tiki bar took a blow when someone leaned on it too.

On top of that I had to pass the time looking at some terrible suits. Mad Gringo hates suits.

 

Now I'm back in Omahahu for a week before heading up to Minneapolis. I'll bet it's cold there.

 

I loved the bamboo tiki bar so much that I bought a new booth for the trade shows. It's a cantina. With real stools. Able to withstand multiple builds and tear downs.

 

I know. You're jealous.

 

All these trips are the reason I've lost touch. I apologize. I'll visit next time.

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WHY IS YOUR BRAIN SO BIG?

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I get asked this one all the time.

 

It was a mystery to modern medicine, but now it's been explained by the mensas at UCal Berkeley. 

 

"Behavior: Napping Can Prime the Brain for Learning"

 

So, as the article says: Bring back the siesta! Let's get some learnin'!

(I added that last part. It's my newsletter.)
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DO YOU HAVE ANY NEW STUFF?

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Every day. New stuff every day.

 

Check out the site now because we have the world's greatest shirt: the Electric Jungle Juice.

 (You all know how that one ends)

 

We have the ChiChi and the Temple V too.

 

Plus the best short ever because it has Mad Gim printed on the inside pockets.

 

Girls love that.

 

Grab these shirts before summer ends. Once we sell them out, they are gone, daddy, gone. 

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CAN WE GET SOMETHING FOR FREE?

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It always comes down to the free stuff, doesn't it? Heck, most of you probably just skipped here to see what the free offer is.

 

I love that.

 

This weekend has Mad Gringo giving you all 15% off any Mad Gringo purchase. Expires on Sunday 2/28/10.

 

Use code OLYMPICS during checkout.  I'm a fan.  

 

(I tried the free shipping thing again, but that wasn't working. 15% is better as long as you spend $100 or live in Iowa.)

 

(think about that)

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THE END

*********************

All good things come to an end. Especially this email. 

 

I tried to be brief and buried the offer somewhere deep in the note just to annoy my marketing advisors. They're not fans of that.

 

Hey, speaking of fans, we're almost up to 500 fans on Facebook.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mad-Gringo/14731555471

 

Halfway to my vanity URL. I'm easy. 

That's all I have for you. You're free to roam around now.

 

I say head out for coffee. You can hang around there for quite some time before you'll be missed. Sad but true.

 

Oh, and tell one of your bosses today that whatever they are proposing is a "great idea". Don't debate it, don't offer to do anything with it, just compliment them on it. Then go on with your day. 

 

It's all part of my master plan.

 

Go slow.

 

MG

 Did you see this early gift that a dad in California received?

 

13-year-old runs up $21,917 cell phone bill

 

My favorite part?

"he was expecting his bill to be higher when he got his 13-year-old a cell phone and added him to his Verizon Wireless plan . . . he was shocked when he got his bill for: $21,917".

Mad Gringo is shocked that I don't have anything around here for $21,917. . . but I do have this comic:

 

Omahahu based Warren Buffett owns Dairy Queen, you know.

Speaking of cold, just in time for the Holidays:

 

Mad Gringo Perfect Beach Nap Cap, a.k.a Mad Gringo's Basic Beach Golf Cap, a.k.a the Mad Gringo Golf Cap etc. etc. etc.

 

Anyway, the Perfect Beach Nap Cap is on sale for $8.

I have a drawing on the website, but here's a pic from the Dungeon:

 

And it says "Go Slow" on the back:

 

I know, I know. Those are some of the worst pictures ever. Someday I'll catch up and get real pics on the website. I'll have to trade some guy a blender drink for photoshop work.  You know how it is.

 

Bottom line, the hats are on sale and make perfect gifts. 

 

Reminds me: FREE shipping (UPS ground) through Friday at 5pm CST. Don't forget.

 

Go slow.

 

MG

Dirt under my nails

Greetings!

 

Dirt under my nails sounds like I've been working, but you know better.

 

The dirt I'm referring to here is from efforts to get the website to be nice to you all for holiday gift giving ease. I apologize for any snafus that have occurred to this point. You knew we'd be a little difficult but that was all supposed to be in fun.

 

Here's the latest dress me up of Mad Gim. First, it's the Excavation.



Doesn't look like much, but buyer beware. I've seen this one in action.

 

Hanging out in Vegas waiting for our table to open up. Mad Robin started dumping on Mad Roy about his non-Mad Gringo shirt. Flash forward: sitting at the table and I see Roy wearing the Excavation. Seems that a shirt switch was made in the hallway. Flash forward again to Roy in a tight black women's tshirt and the Excavation is on some wild woman from Montana. Spin the wheel and the shirt has lept to a buxom blonde who was wildly gyrating in front of an elvis impersonator trying to karaoke.

 

I melted into the crowd at that point. The "let's switch shirts" game was attracting the attention of the management.

 

I blame it on the shirt. The little pineapple skull and crossbones in the pattern. The browns, the blues, the yellows. Goes great with denim. Or with Khaki shorts. Take a peek:

 

 

(I tried doing the virtual dressing of Gim again, but it was easier to take a quick photo of Headless Manny)

 

That's the gift package I want to put together. In a time of year dominated by white, red and green Mr. H. Manny turns a few heads in shades of brown and gold. Especially here in on the Big Island of Omahahu, where we had a lot of snow this week in addition to the wicked cold. The Slow Rover was a victim. 

 

 

 

Needless to say, my inner mad gringo is ready to head south. Early January. Palm Beach, FL. 

 

Reminds me, there is one more week of FREE ups ground shipping for you to take advantage of.

Jump in.

 

That picture of the truck in snow is a horrible image to leave you with. Sorry about that. Here's a pic from Mad Eric and Mad Ilise in Cambodia. Notice Eric's Logo Tshirt. Mad Gringo is worldwide.

 

 

Go slow.

 

MG

 

(PS: Become our fan on Facebook. I want to get to 1000 fans so I can get a vanity URL.)

(Yes, it's all about me.)

 

Neckties prey on the weakest in society

(Big Island of Omahahu, NE - November 19, 2009) This just in: your doctor's necktie wants to kill you.

Don't believe me? Visit the esteemed Wall Street Journal to check the facts:

Nothing to Sneeze At: Doctor's Neckties Seen as Flu Risk

Mad Gringo always knew there was something up with those doctors.

Who would you rather get medicine from:

Dr Marcus Welby? Or Dr Patch Adams?

Yeah. I think his shirt is cool too.

Print that article out. Take it with you to get a flu shot and pin it to their bulletin board. They won't mind. They'll just think you're another pharmaceutical rep.

If they only knew.

After that, visit Mad Gringo and check out the new shirts and tshirts. Find one you like and use our 10% off  coupon to save money for your holiday shirt. (NEWSHIRT) Or visit your local Mad Gringo retailer and put in a pre-order.

Mad Gringo swears it will arrive free from H1N1.

Go slow.

MG

Naps in the news

Mad Gringo's need sleep. 

Lots of it. 

Some mad gringo's fly planes: 

Northwest pilots insist they were not napping

(I know it says they weren't napping, but come on. It's cold up there.) 

And here is another reason to move to Australia:

Employers wake up to idea of power naps

You'll have to head down under for that benefit, especially if you live in New York State.

Mad cave bust in Albany

(Another reason not to take a government job)

And a beautiful sunrise from Oracoke Island, NC:

One last thing. All of our stuff on the madgringo.com website is on sale. 

Don't get caught napping. 

(sorry, couldn't resist)

Go slow. 

MG

400 Miles

Aloha!

 

I haven't seen the sun for nearly 2 weeks now. I think it peeked out at a kids football game but as I removed my hood to absorb it's warmth I was dealt a 30 mph north wind. It's October, man. I thought the Banana Belt was immune from these temperatures?

 

So, you may be thnking, if it's so cold, why are you so cheery? Are unproductive levels up in the last week? Was there a sale on coconut buttons in Bali? Is it that laughing coconut guy on your desk?

 

No, no and no.

 

It's the Slow Rover.

 

Remember the beat up old Range Rover I rescued from the junk yard? The one I wanted to bring to life so I could load it with tropical shirts and travel this great land? The one you suggested names for and Slow Rover won? (somehow edging out Gilbert)

 

I know, that was months ago but guess what? It came to life! It filled my driveway with fluids. It sounds like a bus. It left me stranded once. But I'm not bitter. That's part of the game.

 

And I have nowhere to be, really.

 

Well, today it passed 400 miles. Amazingly, it has not run over any small animals. And the musty smell has been replaced by the smell of Mango Lip Balm. (the kind made with organic hemp seed oil - as opposed to fake hempseed oil)

 

To celebrate, we're having an October clearance sale. And for you all, we're taking an additional 20% off these sale prices when you use this coupon:

 

SLOWROVER

 

The new stuff is coming in and the warehouse has to be cleared. So get busy.

 

Order this weekend and we'll include a lip balm or two. My dog thinks they taste yummy.

 

Go slow.

 

MG

Disturbing news on my table

Mad Gringo is fired up.

 

It doesn't happen often, but when it does, look out.

 

This arrived on my desk today:

 

I couldn't believe it.

 

I called Mad Stacey and Mad Susan over.

My voice rising, I thundered, "Are you wasting 1.7 hours a day at Mad Gringo!?!" I was livid. Seeing red.

 

"No, no, no," they said. Trying to assure me they weren't wasting 1.7 hours a day. 

 

"We waste much more than that," they said.

 

Finally. Some good news!

 

A little history here: Mad Gringo waged a war on the powerful necktie lobby from 2007 through 2008 and escaped with only minor cuts and bruises.

2010 brings another foe: productivity.

 

The goal? Get unproductive time each day up from 1.7 hours to a respectable 3 hours a day. 

 

It will be a process, not an event so buckle up.

We'll start with some small skirmishes.

Our weapon of choice? Tshirts.

 

Your marching orders:

*Go to http://www.madgringo.com

*click on the Tshirts link on the left side navigation

*sort the category by your size - anything we have in your size will show up

*pick one tshirt (you can double check what color's available in the "click here to view availability" link)

*put it into your shopping cart

 

*at the top of your shopping cart, put in this promotional code: UNPRODUCTIVE

*the price will be reduced by 33%. (the closest I could get to a Buy 2 Get 1 Free Coupon)

*continue checkout and wait 5-7 days

 

*5-7 days later, open your box and take out your new tshirt

Grab the Rum, Orange Juice, Pineapple Juice, Lime Juice and Grenadine and start working on that Planter's Punch recipe.

 

On a Wednesday.

 

Afternoon.

You need to have this completed by Friday 10/2/2009 at midnight.

Gringo's orders.

 

 

There. I'm off the ledge now. 

 

Go slow.

 

MG

 

State of the Gringo

Greetings!

In this issue:

* Bad Gringo

* Gringos in the news

* Missing Pictures

* Dance with Mad Gringo

* Salida

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BAD GRINGO

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My sister-in-law has been threatening to out me for the last few months. Consider this a pre-emptive strike. 

Mad Gringo has not been "going slow". 

It may surprise those of you that have tried to get anything from us, but behind all of these bits and bytes there is a business trying to get out. 

I know, I know. Mad Gringo wants to go slow and wander between South Padre and Antigua but we haven't figured out how to do it sans income. So, we try to sell a few shirts here and there. 

Anyway, back to my sister-in-law. We went up to Door County WI with them this summer. 

That's the Off to See the Lizard tropical shirt. (the glare is from my white belly)

In between the late nights and lazy days, she kept catching me on what the kiddles call the "addict-a-phone". At the Renaissance Festival in Minneapolis this weekend (Free Guinness Day) she actually took a picture on me trying to type something out. Right in front of Puke and Snot.

The worst part? It was a Saturday. 

So I'm coming clean. I haven't been going slow. What have I done for the last 8 weeks? Check it out.

I did find a great pic of the kind bus with a Mad Gringo sticker.

I did take some last pictures of the warehouse before we moved it.

I went to a trade show in Chicago and met some nice women from Rhode Island who were in town for an infectious disease conference or something. We took this picture from the hotel bar.

I got stuck in traffic while leaving Skokie. (Mad Gringo hates traffic)

I packed my bags and went to Orlando for a while. (one bag, 3 tropical shirts, one pair of shorts, a swimsuit and toothbrush)

Mad Tom, Head Bottle Washer for the Southeast was waiting for me. (check out the El Chapin tropical shirt! Coming in November)

I went to a party where at least 5 people were wearing Mad Gringo shirts:

I stayed too late. Things got fuzzy.

Went to Vegas and was serenaded by Elvis. (You can't make it out, but the blur in front is Mad Roy in the Excavation tropical shirt. Available in November)

Went to Minneapolis to talk some sense into Bert Favre. (the Packer fans have tshirts that say "We'll never forget you Bert" - love it.)

Figured out that people love my mannequin, Buddy. (sporting the Electric Jungle Juice, the Mad Gim Bridging t-shirt and the new Peten Stela walking short - available in March 2010)

Crashed a fancy dinner held by a golf apparel company.

Drove home in time to see a sunset through my bug stained windshield.

See. No time for just kicking back and writing ridiculously long blog posts. So you have to suffer through this one.

Speaking of suffering.

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MAD GRINGOS IN THE NEWS
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Naps may increase your income earning potential:
Third of adults take naps
Yes, it's a blatant mis-reading of the survey results, but Mad Gringo was just happy they found people who take naps may actually hold jobs.

This guy probably doesn't take naps:
Robber of local motel sought
We've had a rash of Hawaiian shirt clad robbers. Must mean the economy is about to recover.

Even the old guys are getting into the act:
Elderly man tries to rob San Diego bank
That's what Mad Gringo has to look forward to. Being exhausted while trying to escape with the loot.

And yes, I did try to find pictures to go with the articles. No luck.

I did find the Chanhassen, MN Mad Gringo 4th of July Street Party Poster lying around:

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THE MISSING MAD GRINGO PICTURES
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Doesn't this look like fun?

They made every man get a Mad Gringo shirt before they could come into the party. It looks like a big time was had by all and then they marched down to the street dance. It must have been a glorious sight!

Reminds me of a vision I had.

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DANCE WITH MAD GRINGO
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Does it look like there's a lot going on the Mad Gringo world?

We're in almost 200 stores now. There are a dozen half-crazed Mad Gringo Dance Squad members that are wandering the streets and finding more outlets for us to partner with. We have a studly fulfillment team and the best looking ex-Greg Norman golf apparel designer on the planet working with us.

Now we just need a little cash and an unbelievably talented operations/merchandising guru to help move me closer to focusing 100% of my energies researching an unfinished manuscript, "The World's Top 100 Beaches to Nap On".

If you know someone that wants to put their hard earned money into the Go Slow cause, let me know. If you know someone that can pore over spreadsheets and dream up multivariate data analysis scenarios but lists Coen Brothers movies as their favorites, let me know.

Tell them Mad Gringo needs to find more dancers. (I'd find them myself, but I'm lazy.)

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SALIDA
*******************************
I forgot to add that I went to Salida, CO too. Salida. Exit. Good way to end this thing.

Speaking of endings. If you've read down this far, you deserve a break.

How does 25% off anything on the Mad Gringo website sound?

Here's how you do it. Add whatever you want into your shopping cart and then during checkout use this code:

GOSLOW

It's good through the weekend (9/27/09) and will put our studly fulfillment team to the test. Because they smell good in addition to knowing how to warehouse and ship.

And that brings us to the end. That is all I have for you this time. Thanks for the read. Now, back to work.

Go slow.

MG

Name Mad Gringo's Vehicle Contest

I don't know if you remember this, but a year ago I gave up most of my worldly possessions in a fit of altruism. A few days later I looked myself in the mirror and realized that meant I would be walking to the office. And to the store. And to the barber. Au natural.

 

Luckily, Mrs Gringo didn't share in my journey and I sell clothing. I still had to walk to a lot of places, but I did it in brightly colored clothing. Strangers took pity on me. Nearly 12 months later, I decided to look for a new set of wheels.

 

I found them. Mrs Gringo said "Are the front wheels supposed to be pointing in like that?" and my sassy teenager said the interior smelled of abandoned hope, but I thought it looked cool. And it was cheap.

    

We're still a few weeks away from getting this thing up and running, not to mention getting it outfitted the way a Mad Gringo Go Slow vehicle should be appointed, but it's time to give it a name.

 

Which brings me to a Contest. (It's been a while since we've had one of these, eh?)

 

Name My Vehicle Contest

 

The winner gets $150 in Mad Gringo gear. $150 in special "Yet To Be Released" gear. Chosen from a special sneak preview of designs that won't be available for 6 months or more.

At the bottom of this post, simply leave a comment with the name you choose. Make sure we have a way to contact you (it won't be shared with anyone). (or send me an email - madgringo@madgringo.com)

It's that easy!

Go slow.

Monday and Mad Gringo pau

It's too early to be here.

But someone has to take out the trash.

As king of this island I declare it to be a good time to share this Maui Sunrise with you.

It doesn't make being up and at 'em on a Monday any easier, but it gets you 3:04 further into your day.

Go slow.

MG