Beyond the Oyster Juice

Tiki Tender drives the presses forward!

TikiTender. 

Could he be the best bartender in the world? 

http://www.news-journalonline.com/

We love his hat. 

Go slow. 

MG

REBEL WITHOUT A CORK

Here's a true story submitted by our friend Mick about a genuine Mad Gringo.

The original blog post can be found HERE. It's part of a book of humor essays entitled "Are You Going To Eat That?"

"That had better not be tequila." The Mexican customs agent ground her words through gritty teeth as she looked at Laura’s hand, which was holding a bottle of tequila.

"No, it's not," I dearly wanted to say on her behalf, not that Laura needs any help being a wise-ass. "It's a special hammer to hit rude people on the head. Want to see how it works?" But I'm afraid of customs people, so I kept my yap shut.

"Yes, it's tequila..." Laura responded honestly, leaving off the implied "...you idiot."

"I hope you're not planning to take it on the airplane." Laura respects airline officials too, so she didn't bother giving the obvious response. When she was ordered to dump the tequila out, she complied, with a bit lip and a fat tear of frustration in her eye. She had wallowed in the anticipation of enjoying that expensive tequila when she finally got home from the busy week-long wedding celebration in Cancún. 

Raoul had bought some tequila at the duty-free shop too, but it was still in his carry-on. We passed him in the zig-zag cattle line queued for the x-ray scanner, and when he asked what happened to her tequila, we shushed him. “Lay low. Be cool.” If they didn't search his bag, then maybe.... But they did search it, and told him he couldn't take it any further.

"That is so wrong," he complained. Raoul does not waste liquor. So he did what I would only dream of: he popped open the cap and upended the bottle into his mouth, chugging until bubbles coursed through it. Then he raised it up high in defiance, like the head of Goliath, and yelled to the weary travelers, "Who wants some good tequila!?"

Raoul is a very big, very imposing man. Everyone froze, dearly wanting a swig of that tequila but not wanting to draw the attention of the fierce little customs cop, who appeared ready to blow a hole in Raoul. To my shock, she repeated in her shrill, Chihuahua bark, "Aneewan wan sam tah-KEE-la!?"

In unison the crowd exploded, "TEQUILA!" and hundreds cheered as the first guy in line behind Raoul accepted the bottleneck in his fist and knocked back a swig, then passed it back down the line. Twenty people later it made it to Laura and me, and we each took a long pull. It felt hot and exciting in my throat. The bottle was two-thirds empty when I lost sight of it. Keeping a mental count of those who had nursed on it ahead me, I figure my mouth did the equivalent of kissing two big bald guys, a rugby player, a new husband and an attractive forty-ish Latina--about my same luck as here in Omaha.

I normally like to observe rebellions from a safe distance, but in this case I'm glad I was close to the source, because there were some in the line whom I wouldn’t want to kiss, even if they were marinated in tequila.

As we left the customs checkpoint, Laura leaned to me and whispered, "Raoul is my hero." We dubbed it The Great Tequila Rebellion.

I took my place next to Raoul on the airplane and started to tell him our plans to name a holiday after him, and what a fun day it would be to celebrate. But he had already passed out.

 

A Very Special Valentine's Day Fork You

It's the latest episode of Mad Gringo's favorite online cooking show, Fork You! Our friend, Scott McNulty, checks out bees with his honey, Marisa. They learn the inside scoop on honey making and dance the honeybee dance. No margaritas required!

Scott McNulty Live - Saturday!

Are you in Philly with nothing to do on Saturday? Check out Scott and Marisa as Fork You goes live! If you go, make sure Scott is wearing his best Mad Gringo shirt.