Beyond the Oyster Juice

REBEL WITHOUT A CORK

Here's a true story submitted by our friend Mick about a genuine Mad Gringo.

The original blog post can be found HERE. It's part of a book of humor essays entitled "Are You Going To Eat That?"

"That had better not be tequila." The Mexican customs agent ground her words through gritty teeth as she looked at Laura’s hand, which was holding a bottle of tequila.

"No, it's not," I dearly wanted to say on her behalf, not that Laura needs any help being a wise-ass. "It's a special hammer to hit rude people on the head. Want to see how it works?" But I'm afraid of customs people, so I kept my yap shut.

"Yes, it's tequila..." Laura responded honestly, leaving off the implied "...you idiot."

"I hope you're not planning to take it on the airplane." Laura respects airline officials too, so she didn't bother giving the obvious response. When she was ordered to dump the tequila out, she complied, with a bit lip and a fat tear of frustration in her eye. She had wallowed in the anticipation of enjoying that expensive tequila when she finally got home from the busy week-long wedding celebration in Cancún. 

Raoul had bought some tequila at the duty-free shop too, but it was still in his carry-on. We passed him in the zig-zag cattle line queued for the x-ray scanner, and when he asked what happened to her tequila, we shushed him. “Lay low. Be cool.” If they didn't search his bag, then maybe.... But they did search it, and told him he couldn't take it any further.

"That is so wrong," he complained. Raoul does not waste liquor. So he did what I would only dream of: he popped open the cap and upended the bottle into his mouth, chugging until bubbles coursed through it. Then he raised it up high in defiance, like the head of Goliath, and yelled to the weary travelers, "Who wants some good tequila!?"

Raoul is a very big, very imposing man. Everyone froze, dearly wanting a swig of that tequila but not wanting to draw the attention of the fierce little customs cop, who appeared ready to blow a hole in Raoul. To my shock, she repeated in her shrill, Chihuahua bark, "Aneewan wan sam tah-KEE-la!?"

In unison the crowd exploded, "TEQUILA!" and hundreds cheered as the first guy in line behind Raoul accepted the bottleneck in his fist and knocked back a swig, then passed it back down the line. Twenty people later it made it to Laura and me, and we each took a long pull. It felt hot and exciting in my throat. The bottle was two-thirds empty when I lost sight of it. Keeping a mental count of those who had nursed on it ahead me, I figure my mouth did the equivalent of kissing two big bald guys, a rugby player, a new husband and an attractive forty-ish Latina--about my same luck as here in Omaha.

I normally like to observe rebellions from a safe distance, but in this case I'm glad I was close to the source, because there were some in the line whom I wouldn’t want to kiss, even if they were marinated in tequila.

As we left the customs checkpoint, Laura leaned to me and whispered, "Raoul is my hero." We dubbed it The Great Tequila Rebellion.

I took my place next to Raoul on the airplane and started to tell him our plans to name a holiday after him, and what a fun day it would be to celebrate. But he had already passed out.

 

Hawaiian Shirts and Cheese Dip

It's Super Bowl time.

To Mad Gringo that means one thing.

Cheese Dip.

In an informal survey conducted at Mad Gringo Party Headquarters, this recipe won the prize for best Super Bowl Drink. (We couldn't think of anything but beer for drinks - so the dip won)

(photo from The Pioneer Woman Cooks)

The Best Super Bowl Dip Ever

• 1 can of Rotel diced tomatoes, hot and spicy
• 1 package of Velveeta cheese, not sliced
• 1 package of Jimmy Dean sausage

Cut the Velveeta cheese in chunks and put in a microwave dish. Melt the cheese and mix in the Rotel tomatoes while the cheese is melting. At the same time cook the Jimmy Dean sausage and drain. Add sausage to cheese mixture and return to microwave until hot.

 

Serve with tortilla chips.

Easy. Simple. Tasty. Kind of gross looking, but goes well with beer.

The perfect Super Bowl Party dip. (Visit The Pioneer Woman Cooks for the XLII version)

At least I have that to look forward to. No Broncos, no Packers. Again. Oh well.

If any mad gringos in the audience are going to be at the big game, send pictures!

Go slow.

History of Tiki

Great link from GMoney.

http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/dining/20071128_TIKI_FEATURE/index.html

I want a pig roast. Now. 

This photo is from the Beach Bum Berry blog. Spend some time there.  Well worth it. He's the host of the History of Tiki on the  NY Times link above. 

Go slow.

Tropical Drinks for Halloween

Happy Halloween from Mad Gringo.

(image courtesy of ChinaHarbor Restaurant) 

Mad Gringo knows you've been scratching your head all weekend trying to come up with the right drink to keep you busy while the little ones ring your doorbell over, and over, and over again.

I have it for you.

The Zombie.

Made famous by Don "The Beachcomber" Beach in the late 30s and kept secret by putting ingredients into bottles and numbering them for the bartenders, the Zombie was built for the season. The "mender of broken dreams."

Beachbum Berry (whose book Mad Gringo featured here) has tried to re-create the Zombie the way it was put together in the first place - through trial and error. Ahh yes, process first.

I've copied his WSJ recipe here for you to enjoy today. Happy Halloween!

You'll need:
1 oz fresh lime juice
1 oz fresh lemon juice
1 oz pineapple juice
1 oz passion fruit syrup
1 oz white rum
1 oz gold rum
1 oz 151-proof Demerara rum
1 tsp brown sugar
1 dash Angostura

Muddle the brown sugar in the citrus until it is dissolved, then shake all the ingredients with plenty of crushed ice. Pour, without straining, into a tall highball glass and garnish with a sprig of mint.

Just remember, like the old Beachcomber himself would say - don't even think about a third one.

Go slow.

Mojito. Mid-week Mojito.

Mad Gringo was reading a nice article about Caliche's Wishbone on Jaco Beach in Costa Rica and thinking about surf and sand when the thought occured.

Tropical Drinks. 

Wednesday used to be a big time in college but these days Wednesday is followed by Thursday morning so Mad Gringo looks to take it easy.

The perfect drink for taking it easy? The Mojito.

Bear with me on this. The drink is wonderful - minty and refreshing - and it goes down way too fast. So why is it the perfect drink?

First, it's from Cuba - close to Costa Rica from where I sit. Second, the recipe is involved enough that you can only have one or two before you give up and just enjoy the evening.

Here's the Mojito adventure I will be undergoing in about 45 minutes give or take, thanks to the Good Reverend:

For each Mojito:

• 1 lime
• 5 mint leaves
• 1.5 ounces simple syrup
• Several cubes of ice
• 2 ounces white rum
• A little club soda to top things off

Have these tools nearby:  sharp knife, tall, thin highball glass, muddler or wooden spoon, and a juicer

Squeeze all the juice you can out of the lime. You should be able to get about an ounce from it. If you can't, start a new lime.

Add the mint leaves, powdered sugar, and ounce of lime juice to the bottom of your glass. Shove the handle-end of your wooden spoon into the glass and muddle the mint. Muddling means mixing up the mint with the sugar and lime juice in a mildly violent fashion. The goal is to tear apart the mint to a certain degree in order to release its flavors. When you can smell minty freshness coming from the glass, you know you've done it right.

Add 1.5 ounces of the simple syrup to the glass, then fill it with cubes of ice. Now pour in the two ounces of rum and add a splash of club soda—just enough to top off the drink, not more than an ounce.

Put on your Friends of Dean Martinez Retrograde Album and enjoy your minty fresh breath.

Your own little version of the Pura Vida.

Go slow.

(remember - more ice is always a good idea)

Tropical Drink thoughts

(pic from Jeff Shattuck's blog)
Greetings!

As Mad Gringo heads into the weekend with a fistful of limes, some simple syrup and a bottle of rum this email came across his desk. Seemed fitting:

On drinking:

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame.  Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams.  If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"
  - Jack Handy

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
  - Frank Sinatra

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
  - Henny Youngman

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
  - Stephen Wright

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
  - Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
  - Dave Barry

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the " Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

And there you have it. Mad Gringo takes a shortcut and copies a email chain letter - shameful I know.

I missed my nap.

Go slow.

A Hawaiian Shirt and a Long Nap

Who could ask for more?

This weekend Mad Gringo will be wandering through the Rocky Mountains again. A little far from the beach, but still good Hawaiian Shirt territory. With an SPF of 7, it's made for high country hikes.

Planning for the trip reminded me of the moment I was introduced to the idea of Red Bull and Sangria. While I politely declined, that memory got me thinking. . .where is a great recipe for Sangria?

Here is one that you can report back to me on. My favorite part should be apparent to those who know me.

This one comes to us from Newsday.com.

(photo from About.com)

Bruce Gilbert repeats this recipe from Chef Francine Stone.

Her advice? "Chill, drink, nap."

1 (4-liter) bottle of red wine
2 cups triple sec
2 cups brandy
4 cups orange juice
3 cups sugar
6 oranges, peeled and sectioned
4 nectarines, sliced into thin wedges, skin on
4 peaches, sliced into thin wedges, skin on
1 or 2 mangos, peeled and cubed
4 apples, peeled and cubed

1. Combine all the ingredients, stirring with a large wooden or metal spoon to dissolve sugar.
2. Pour into a large punch bowl or jug. Add ice before serving.
3. Ladle out liquid and fruit generously. Makes about 10 quarts.

You'll have to tell me about that nap.

Mad Gringo is envious already.

Go slow. 

The Daiquiri, ahh the Daiquiri

Mad Gringo is in a mood today.

Heading into the weekend, the big seller this week has been the Daiquiri Daze Hawaiian Shirt. A bold shirt that says, "HEY! I'M WEARING TROPICAL CLOTHING TODAY!"

What inspires such a shirt? The Daiquiri. Mad Gringo's theme drink for the weekend.

Heading over to The Art of Drink, Mad Gringo was overwhelmed by the flood of memories that started to fill his brain as he read the recipe. Early afternoon in Key West on the back porch with Jay-bird unpacking from his trip to market and mapping out a plan for beach and Old Town that day. 

Fresh strawberries.

Fresh limes.

Bacardi.

I remember sunshine, laughter, "One Particular Harbour", reconstructing stories from the night before. . .and then fade to bright white light.

Key West.

Anywho. . .heading into this weekend - get to the store and grab some berries, grab some limes, grab some rum and invite a few friends over to make some memories of your own. (Or skip the strawberries and make a classic daiquiri, your choice)

The Strawberry Daiquiri as mixed by Darcy O'Neil at the Art of Drink:

2 oz White Rum
½ oz Fresh Lime Juice
¼ oz Simple Syrup
6 Fresh Strawberries

Hull the strawberries and muddle (crush) them in the bottom of a cocktail shaker. Add the rum, lime and simple syrup and stir to extract as much of the strawberry juice as possible. Pack your cocktail shaker with ice and shake vigorously. Fine strain into a sugar rimmed martini glass and garnish with a lime wedge or strawberry.

Fine straining is very important for this drink. I don’t stir the daiquiri with ice because I want to pulverize as much of the strawberry as possible to extract all of the flavours. But after you’ve done that you need to strain out the pulp. Plus, the drink is going to be slightly cloudy anyway, so if you give it a good shake it will take on a nice red colour.

Most bars that make a daquiri do it with a sugar rim, which nullifies the use of simple syrup in the cocktail. But I’ve found that the modern palate isn’t as accepting of the strong sour flavour, so I always include a dash of simple syrup to make it more palatable. I also rim the glass with sugar for esthetics.

The Strawberry Daiquiri doesn’t have to be the abomination that many bars have made it. It can be a well balanced, refreshing, cocktail that will make other people in the bar ask “what’s that?”.

Classic Daiquiri

2 oz White Rum
1/2 oz Lime Juice
1/4 oz Simple Syrup

And should you need a Daiquiri Daze Hawaiian Shirt, click the link.

Go slow. Enjoy the weekend.

MG

Mad Gringo wants to go on a Sippin' Safari

You may or may not know of BeachBum Berry. Mad Gringo has linked to him in the past.

His new book is out.